I usually like rollercoasters...

I usually like rollercoasters!  In fact.. they are my favorite, however, my emotions being on a rollercoaster -- not so much fun.

I am SO happy that my lung function is up to 40% (thank You, God!) and with everything Jesus has pulled me through, and everything that He's still blessing me with, I should be jumping up and down shouting praises to His Name, but I'm not.  I feel like a drop out.

My neighbor went to military school and I got a letter from him, and it completely made my day, if not whole weekend haha!  That was such a gift to get that letter cause it was SO unexpected, I LOVE what he wrote and I've been praying for him every day -- please pray for him, too!

I had such a fun time with Johnny coming over the past nights, and then hanging out with everyone after church yesterday! 

I went school shopping with my friend June, and really enjoyed it.  And I am totally psyched that God is helping me take 2 on campus classes and one online class.  I can't wait for the work! 

My sisters and niece came over yesterday -- I still can't believe my niece is real.. She's SOOOO stinking cute -- and we get to keep her!  Hahaha she's walking and talking and bahhh, just the greatest!

Christ is over-blessing me daily.. and yet I'm still in a slump.

I am trying really hard for my health.  I know it's not out of my strength, but I am called to be responsible and do my part.  I hate to admit, but I could have been more responsible in the past -- but I didn't want my disease to be my life.  It never was before.  It was always just a side thing.. but now.. I feel like it is.. at least for this time period.. I'm not working which relieves a lot of stress, but not getting up and going to work is just another reminder that I CAN'T get up and go to work.  I'm on a schedule.. this pill at this time, that treatment at that time, this treatment has to be a certain amount of hours apart but it has to get done 3 times a day... I still need to be gaining weight -- and if any of you know me.. eating usually isn't my favorite activity.  But, I've been forcing myself to eat more than ever.  If I'm asking God to do His part, I need to do mine.  And I've been trying so hard.  Writing down everything I eat, blood sugars and insulin doses... Doing my night feeds which I hate... I've been making sure that I'm testing my blood sugar and eating 3 meals a day almost exactly 3 hours apart.. Doing all my treatments, and the past 2 days I've gone for a very short bike ride to try and start rebuilding my exercise tolerance, and my lung/all around body muscle back up.  And that's where I get disappointed...  I used to dance at least 6 hours a week in middle school and high school... I know it's been a long time since my dancing days, but I guess I just didn't realize how weak I'd gotten.  My bike ride route was go up 3 blocks, turn down the third block, come down three blocks, turn down that block and be back at my house.  I was so exhausted.. but the exhaustion almost made me feel good -- accomplished -- I knew that I was really trying and I was excited to see the results of when I could do that route and not be as tired, and even for when I would be able to expand the bike ride a little longer... Today I put my clothes away.  Yep, I hung 4 shirts, and 6 pants, and was tired.  I went out to the store with my sister and parents.  We went to staples and I sat in the computer chair section the whole time.  Then we went to home depot - and I didn't go in.  Same thing with Carvel -- sat in the car.  We came home and I watched a movie and cried cause I was so tired and unaccomplished today.  I didn't go for my bike ride.  I was too tired from sitting in staples, and sitting in the car.  I didn't get to clean my room and get it all organized for school -- which I LOVE doing.. but I just can't.  So .. my online class starts tomorrow and my room's a mess.  I am completely beat even though I didn't even exercise today.  And now it's on to my last therapy of the day.. and shower and night feed and bed.  I'm hoping that I'll get to paint my nails.. but I doubt it.

So this is me.  So complainy -- so full of blessings and all I'm dwelling on is the FEW bad things when God's given me so many great things.

We serve a truly PATIENT and LOVING Christ that He would put up with this.  Not only put up with it.. but still walk with me.. I know this will get better and easier.. but it's hard not feeling the results of all the work I'm putting into this...

The road will get smoother because God is love.