Hello all! I have to make this one quick because I have to go eat, but I didn't want to wait to blog about this because knowing me, I'm just like an Israelite and forget all the things God has done for me all too quickly! To summarize -- I haven't been feeling well. Been SOOO tired, and coughing, and breathy and coughing, etc etc. Well.. not only that I've been feeling like such a waste -- all I do is lay around -- what am I doing for God in THAT?! I haven't been wanting to read my Bible, or pray, or anything -- in other words.. feeling far from being who I want to be, who God wants me to be, and just bla! The Bible says that we do not live on bread alone -- meaning that we need God and His Word to fuel us and let me tell you, I DEFINITELY feel as if I've been running on empty way too long, and the weird part is the fuel is right within my grasp, and yet I don't reach for it. Why is that? There's a song lyric I like that says "why am I so afraid of the dark but I stray from the light?" ..
Last night I was really blessed to go to a church event called The Gathering. It was the first one we had, and God just made Himself so obviously there, I loved it! I even got invited to hang out afterwards with some friends, and that was such a blessing as well. However, I returned home, only to find myself in that tired/lazy/not wanting to do anything mood again today. I slept terribly last night.. or should I say I didn't sleep haha, so I slept in WAY too late today, and bla bla bla.. I could complain forever when I should be rejoicing forever! my bad! Anyway, I was praying today for God to just help me. I prayed for purpose -- He is the One who gives our lives purpose, so I prayed for him to give me a purpose again, give me a passion, help me recognize my gifts and help me use them for Him. My mom and I went out later on after I could finally get ready and stuff. When we came home, I was definitely in a better mood. Hands down my mom is one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Anyway.. still had a lot to do after my night time treatments and therapy, one of them being take a shower. Now I know this may sound silly to some of you... but sometimes I just dread taking showers. You really don't realize how much energy a shower takes until you have no energy to spare haha I used to be able to take showers like I pop pills (medical pills, of course! :P) but now, I need to plan to take a shower when I have nothing else going on, no other responsibility and no where to be because it just wipes me out. Well, tonight that timing happened to be after my therapy. I could take a shower, and then go downstairs to eat while watching a movie, and let my hair dry itself. So I'm in the shower, and I honestly can't even tell you how it started, I think maybe I just wanted to sing to God? I start singing in the shower. At first low, and then quickly increasing higher with more power. Side note: sometimes I don't even speak because my lungs, or myself just feels to tired to put forth the effort of pushing out air to talk. I usually can't speak if I wanted to during or after my shower because I'm either coughing so hard, or breathing so hard. Anyway, back to the story, the next thing I know I am fully belting out the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant. Now when I say belting, I don't mean gasping for air, AT ALL, and I don't mean singing loudly but not with a lot of breath behind it. I mean full out breath in lungs to carry the notes (well hopefully notes... hahah! thank God he loves praises regardless!), not feeling breathless AT ALL, feeling like my lungs are plump and full and I can't even believe it. PRAISE JESUS !!!! HIS NAME IS GREAT!! I'm like sitting here laughing and crying at the same time at how good God is. I can't sing like that ever, forget about in the shower. And here I am, asking God to help me because I don't even know how to help myself anymore, and His Spirit just fills my lungs. I sang and then coughed ONCE -- an easy, clearing cough. Finished my shower with a few little coughs here or there, and then blow dryed my hair -- I can't even tell you how awesome our God is. He blesses us when we are praising Him -- it's supposed to be all about Him and He still gives back to us. I don't even have words.
I sang in the shower tonight because God is love.
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