Haven't written on here in forev it feels like. Anyway, these past days have been rough. This morning was the hardest ever it has been to wake up. I sat up, in pain (either broke another rib or pulled another muscle), and like so hard to breathe.. bla bla bla I think for this blog it's better that I DON'T express how I'm feeling because quite frankly, I'm just being a complainer lately -- and that's NOT what I'm called to do. Plus, isn't it better to focus on God's glory rather than our perceived storms? BUT, if you're praying for me (thanks for that!), please pray that I just totally connect with God.. I really hate more than anything that feeling when you pray, and you feel like you're talking to wall, or that you're useless and not fulfilling His plan. But anyway, on to some stuff about how nice God is :]
So ... flashback hardcore to the first lung transplant evalutation... I was ok with everything really -- 7 minute walk, pulmonary function test, meeting with my social worker and coordinator, blood work -- except for the ABG. Arterial Blood Gas. It just sounds intimidating doesn't it? It's when they have to take blood from the artery right by your thumb on the inside of your wrist -- which I'd had been told by a few people is a "deep and painful". Oh joy! The entire day I was dreading that. I would try to watch the other people getting it done, although I couldn't really see from the waiting room. Apparently I was pretty nervous because my mom started asking me if I was ok haha and when it comes to medical things, usually I am ok. I know Jesus is right with me and seriously whenever I get any procedure, even just blood work at home, I feel fine because His promises are so strong and alive that I feel as though I'm walking into things with Him right next to me -- which I am, it's not just a feeling. Anyway, this I just couldn't shake. I prayed and I trusted God. And usually, if it's more painful or scary than I can tolerate, God reminds me that it's just temporary. It's just for this moment, and when this moment is over, so is whatever I'm scared of. Anyway, for some reason Satan was just really having a field day with this fear -- I don't want to give him all the credit for my fear because I am human -- so I'm sure some of it was just from my nature, but no doubt that left the door wide open for him to play. I was supposed to get the ABG like one of the first things.. but I didn't, which only left more time to think about it.
First we waited in the waiting room for what seem liked eternity. Then they decided to send me to a different test (our fault, we were late.. shocker.) So I did the 7 minute walk. And praise God -- I did well! I had to walk around these cones set up in a hallway and try to do as many laps as I could -- I think I did 7 laps? But I can't actually remember. Then we went to do the PFT (pulmonary Function Test) and that didn't come out great, but God gave me the strength and breath baby! Seriously -- because I was worn out from the walk haha and hardcore worn out by the end of the first round of PFTs. The guy, who was super nice and blessing himself, said I could do only two if I wanted. But I asked God for a third, and he gave me the umph to do it. So then comes the ABG.
The guy says to me - have you gotten one of these before? - I told him no, but I heard that they hurt A LOT. And he said only if the person doesn't know what they're doing. Oh good. So he numbed my little wrist -- which I ended up freaking out my dad with the rest of the day by playing with it .. good numbing stuff! -- and then went for it. The horribley terrifying "deep painful" test that I had been fearing all day, didn't hurt. In fact, it didn't feel like anything. GOD IS SO NICE!
Then we meet with our social worker, and I got asked questions that I never thought of before. I was asked to rate myself 1-10 on how well I care for myself. I said 7. My parents said 10. So that was a nice boost to hear. I was also asked to rate my physical ability in comparison to how it used to be when I danced. They said what percentage of that could I do now? I said 10 percent. My mom said less than 5. And my dad said like 20 lol but he was saying that my norms are different or something -- Idk he twisted the question, so I don't count his haha but anyway, as we're talking, I was saying something about God and the social worker says -- oh yea, PUSH right? Prayer until something happens. -- I was THRILLED! Could my social worker know Jesus Christ?! I hope so! She mentioned how her friend sends her devotionals every morning too. It was so great! God's so nice!
Thennnn... going to my latest doctors appointment.. (sorry I'm typing so much, but it's like a floodgate I can't close now! lol) I got my hair cut short, and Victoria (whom I LOVE) was raving over it. She is such a blessing too because she hardcore boosts my self esteem haha. As I was leaving she said, you don't have a boyfriend? And I said no. She said -- really? you really don't? you look so chique! (she wasn't saying it like a diss, but like she couldn't believe that I didn't because I looked so good) and so I jokingly said to her -- I'm holding out for Tim Tebow -- and she got so serious and says -- you know that boy takes so much crap because of his praying -- keep on praying! -- hahah it was just so great to hear her encourage prayer!
So anyway.. that's that. For tonight at least. I think it's so nice of God to remind me of His awesomeness as I'm writing this. I hope God uses this blog to speak to you as much as He does to me.
I can rejoice and smile about past rescues even while I'm awaiting this one because God is love.
