Hello again! Ok so update time! I wasn't breathing well Sunday morning -- but God helped me get up, get ready and be able to breathe enough for my parents to take me down to Bradley Beach to meet my friend Celeste and our team for the Great Strides Cystic Fibrosis Walk-a-thon! I went on oxygen and in my transfer chair, and we got there for like the last half hour of it, which was totally a God gift because by the way I was breathing.. or not breathing haha it was unlikely I was going to make the event at all and all morning I worked really hard, and prayed even harder "God, just please let us get there before it's over" and he did! ANDDDD.. Our team raised over $2000 for CF and I only started fundraising about a week or so before the walk, and my sponsors donated $1,195!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU -- I really can't say THANK YOU enough to everyone who donated and Celeste and the team!!!!
After the walk, I was feeling pretty good -- meaning I wasn't a zombie or in a bad mood lol we came home, and Nicole and June came over but I guess the car ride took it out of me because when we got home, I was absolutely beat, and started coughing and breathing harder again. Monday morn I woke up early.. 5am! I woke up because I wasn't feeling good at all. Breathing was really hard, coughing A LOT, headache, etc.. my ox was low, and my side really hurt (I frequently pull muscles in my sides from the coughing, but usually it's bearable) soo I took a pain killer and waited for it to kick in so I could start my treatments and therapy. It kicked in! I started my treatments in bed! I'm FREEZING! lol my temperature decided to spike to 103.6! At that point, I was able to get up and do therapy after my treatments and was already breathing easier, but still terribly. I'll speed this up a little cos this is the boring stuff -- texted my doc, made admission plans, got ready, got admitted.
Last August the hospital was a nightmare. I understand I'm a lot to take in haha and I'm not the only patient and all that jazz but when I come to the hospital, it means I'm not healthy enough to fend for myself or else I'd be home, so when I come to the hosp, it's important that they do the medications and have common sense about health because they are taking care of me. Last time I had to fend for myself, while fighting for meds, while "resting" to get better lol no bueno. Anyway, I don't mean this as a bash session on my last visit -- but if you don't have a concept of the storm, the calm is downplayed. So this time, my mom was prepared! (thank God for her!) She packed all my meds, extra things I ended up needing and didn't think about, and helped me pack all while she still packed for herself, brought all my records and extra paper/pens to write down info for this time -- astonishing. Oh yea, and she put my IV in before we left. Thank you, Jesus, for my mom!
We prayed and prayed, as did you guys (thank you!!!), and we got here and God just totally set me up from the start. My nurse saw that I already had my IV in, and wasn't comfortable with that -- she explained to us why, and her knowledge about IVs and their care became very evident; comforting me that I don't have to stay up, be anxious or watch as she hooks up medicines to my IV. THANK YOU GOD! I really can not explain this feeling to you at all lol I felt so relaxed as God reminded that He prepares a way - "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you.." Deuteronomy 31:8 -- how easily I get distracted and forget the sweet promises of God -- and how focused He is on sweetly reminding me of them. Not only did he equip me with comfort that my nurse knew what she was doing, he gave her the idea to hook up a constant IV so that once the medicine finishes, it will automatically go to the saline bag -- which means my IV never gets unhooked -- which eliminates the anxiety and risk of my other nurses doing it improperly! I have never slept this much in a hospital before!!! Thank you, Jesus! How you have already smoothed a path for me!!
And just like God, the blessings don't stop there! "From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another." John 1:16 .. Kept having good nurses, blood work went smoothly, rested a lot!! Today was my best day yet! I woke up so nicely and so optimistic, but after therapy, I felt pretty crummy. I was exhausted, my body was so sore, and my lungs hurt and felt tired too. The pain in my side only added to everything else, and I had to get up to have my bed changed (which my mom did), and get washed up (which my mom helped me do), all while I was coughing and breathing hard. They gave me a percoset (spelling?) and man oh man... those bad boys are good! I felt better in less than an hour, and not only could cough better and do better therapy because the pain was gone, but also .. WALKED AROUND!! Like a legit walk -- we could up my oxygen to a portable tank, took my transfer chair for me to push so that I had something to hold on to and incase I got too tired to walk back, and we walked the halls! (for anyone thinking "OMGSH GERMS!" I had a mask on, don't worry ;) ) we made two laps through the little hallways and back to my room with energy and enough breath! When I got back, I wasn't exhausted! I was breathing hard, but not out of control -- I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe and my oxygen was at 92!! I then did my second round of therapy for the day which went soooo much smoother than it has been! Thank you God!! It was so great! Ate, rested, did an echocardiogram, and then... went for another walk!! This time, unfortunately the walk didn't go so well lol I barely made it back and was coughing a lottttttt -- oxygen went down to 84 while still on 3 liters... but my mom and i are thinking it's because the hospital put fresh flowers up between our walk, and we sat by one of the arrangements and that's when I started flaring up -- allergies! lol Anyway, it was still great and I'm generally feeling better and optimistic about getting better!
As for my incredible mother -- she got a night off! My dad came tonight and is sleeping over to keep an eye on me. The night got too late and we didn't get to go for a pre-bed walk, but that's ok -- I have tomorrow!
Speaking of tomorrow.... I MIGHT GO HOME !! My doc came in and said whatever happened it seems that the medicine regimen they put me on seems to be working and she'll check on me tomorrow with a good possibility I could go home! AYAYA Thanks for your prayers and love and encouragement!!
I am SO happy because God is love.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Just this morning
Good morning - this is Emily Gorsky reporting from the hospital with local weather and updates. This morning's report is brought to you by God, The Almighty Creator.
So just incase that wasn't as amusing for you as it was for me -- keep in mind i'm on oxygen and bear with me :P haha i actually did want to say something about weather and updates though. It is SO foggy! I woke up this morning thinking I was confused because my window was just white -- I thought I wasn't seeing clearly but I was -- it was so foggy it blurred everything out! Crazy!
But anyway, I am feeling better this morning! I will try to type a full update now about the past few days but I don't have time to right now but I'll try to type it after my therapy depending on how tired I am -- whenever it is, it'll get done because I have to tell you how great Jesus is! Psalm 145:6 "Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim your greatness."
So here's the basics -- I'm down to 3 liters of oxygen -- was able to go down to 2 for a little while last night but then brought back up to 3 for when I went to sleep and because it wasn't steadily over 91 at 2 liters. I did NOT wake up struggling to breathe today -- sooo nice to wake up nicely! AND I'm in a really good mood ! Just fyi - me waking up in a good mood is surprising for when I'm feeling my best! hahah so I know my mood will fluctuate because the therapies reallyyyy tire me out and we're doing them 3 times a day but I woke up a little earlier than I had to today, and I just layed in bed and talked with God -- and it was soo nice. So there's no doubt in my mind that he's helping me focus on him and maintain the right attitude/mood. That's it so far! I'll write more later hopefully! Thank you for the prayers! Keep 'em coming ! -- and don't forget to pray for my mom -- she stays with me all day AND night -- sleeping on either a cot or a really uncomfy chair -- and she does the majority of my therapy which is just as taxing on her! Thanks everyone!
I woke up to a much needed, much refreshing, early morning chat with my God because God is love.
So just incase that wasn't as amusing for you as it was for me -- keep in mind i'm on oxygen and bear with me :P haha i actually did want to say something about weather and updates though. It is SO foggy! I woke up this morning thinking I was confused because my window was just white -- I thought I wasn't seeing clearly but I was -- it was so foggy it blurred everything out! Crazy!
But anyway, I am feeling better this morning! I will try to type a full update now about the past few days but I don't have time to right now but I'll try to type it after my therapy depending on how tired I am -- whenever it is, it'll get done because I have to tell you how great Jesus is! Psalm 145:6 "Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim your greatness."
So here's the basics -- I'm down to 3 liters of oxygen -- was able to go down to 2 for a little while last night but then brought back up to 3 for when I went to sleep and because it wasn't steadily over 91 at 2 liters. I did NOT wake up struggling to breathe today -- sooo nice to wake up nicely! AND I'm in a really good mood ! Just fyi - me waking up in a good mood is surprising for when I'm feeling my best! hahah so I know my mood will fluctuate because the therapies reallyyyy tire me out and we're doing them 3 times a day but I woke up a little earlier than I had to today, and I just layed in bed and talked with God -- and it was soo nice. So there's no doubt in my mind that he's helping me focus on him and maintain the right attitude/mood. That's it so far! I'll write more later hopefully! Thank you for the prayers! Keep 'em coming ! -- and don't forget to pray for my mom -- she stays with me all day AND night -- sleeping on either a cot or a really uncomfy chair -- and she does the majority of my therapy which is just as taxing on her! Thanks everyone!
I woke up to a much needed, much refreshing, early morning chat with my God because God is love.
Friday, May 4, 2012
analyze this. wait, actually don't.
hello strangers! i havent written on here in forev -- that seems to be the opening of all my posts .. woops! anyway -- i really don't have any God revelation in mind to type about but knowing Jesus, He will use this anyway for me, and hopefully for some of you as well.
This is how I'm feeling today -- a cluster of emotions all storming at once and fighting for my attention. I am SOOOO happy because it is Julianna's 2nd birthday! Brace yourself for some hardcore cliche -- she is such a blessing! I LOVE that little girl!! I can't describe how I feel when she calls me "Ampie Em" or sometimes, she's too cool for the "Em" and just says "Hey Ampie!" -- ahh I loove it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE JUJ!!! <33
So obviously happiness is one of the emotions stirring in me. Then there's feelings that are pathetic. I have missed work since Tuesday because I either got sick or got bombarded with allergies. I lost my voice, hence I can't make calls, hence I can't work. So I've been trying to get better obviously, and praise God, yesterday I really felt better! No more headache or throat tickling coughing, or just that over all dreadful feeling. But.. I still didn't have enough of a voice so my supervisor told me to stay home. Last night, I was talking more, and had more of a voice and was confident that I could work today. I called my supervisor and he said I sounded good enough and to come on in! But... I don't feel that good. Therapy was harder than usual, and I was coughing more than usual. I check my oxygen -- 86 ! (FYI, that's bad.) So I call him back for the umpteenth time, and just give him a heads up that I will be wearing oxygen at work. I finally get out the door and get to work... late. I haven't been late for the 3 weeks I've been there. I haven't even been on time -- I like getting there EARLY! lol but anyway.. bla bla bla .. I got up the stairs and couldn't breathe good.. ppl were asking if I was ok but I couldnt answer because I had to try to catch my breath. After I did, I said I was fine, although I doubt anyone believed me .. I wouldnt believe me either haha. I was at work for like 20 minutes and told my supervisor I couldn't do it. I didn't have enough breath to get through the scripts, and when I did get through them, my voice was cutting in and out. I don't want to lose sales for the company because of my voice. Thank God for my supervisor -- he was so kind and understanding - telling me it's not my fault and to rest up and feel better. SO nice! So I'm on my way home, and it's like a raging battle in my mind for my thoughts. I'm thinking -- well you know you're getting closer to transplant, and then I'd start to cry, and then the Bible verses that say not to worry about tomorow, and to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ, come into my mind. And then I start analyzing out of control -- well it's ok to be upset, but I have nothing to worry about because I have Jesus, but I'm sad, but I'm glad I have such an awesome Saviour, but this but that.. and so on and so forth. BLAAA!
Transplant is a touchy topic for me and if I'm not careful, the devil can really use it to his advantage. I do not want a transplant. I understand that if the time comes when I really need one, I'll want one. And I am SOO thankful and comforted that I have a backup like transplant. BUT the more I learn about transplant, the more I don't want one. Certain things -- silly things -- come to mind -- like I can't be kissed by puppies and they can't sleep in my bed. I know, I know, stupid. Obviously I'd choose to live rather than cuddling with my pup, but still. And after surgery my ribs are wired back together... the wires stay in there. I can't take it. I can't go into any more than that cause even just those are starting to make me anxious, and that's the opposite of what I'm striving for. Anyway, I've started having nightmares about transplant. I've had one like the past three nights. The gist of them is that transplant is approaching before I'm ready.
I think that's really why I'm upset. It's disappointing that I've only been off IVs for a week and I only got to enjoy a few days. I am always so hopeful after IVs -- feeling good, wanting to start exercising, doing things in my day instead of just sleeping -- it' soo great! But I only got I think like 3 days from 2 weeks of IVs.. and now I'm on oxygen -- what is going on here? It's funny how the bad sticks out amongst so much goodness though. I could sit here and complain, which I have been doing this whole post, about this or that... and have I once mentioned how awesome God is in comforting me? I'm alive, and more importantly, HE IS ALIVE. I just keep getting reminded that God's in control -- Dear Emily, don't you remember when you were told you had a blood clot in your heart? I was there for that. I was there for the anxiety, the crying, the panic. I was there for the tough decisions and every repercussion of those decisions. I was right there in the chaos. And don't you remember? Just as I set a boundary for the ocean on the sand, I set a boundary for that. I wouldn't allow that to go any further than what I willed for it, and I have complete command over every circumstance, every health scare, and every detail of life. I am with you still. Don't forget how I've proved myself before. Remember, my daughter, that I will always have complete command. Storms calm, demons flee and breath is given with just my name. I am not leaving you to deal with this, either. But please remember to keep your focus on me. The chaos is so much more when you're eyes are focused on the storm, instead of the storm calmer. It may seem like a lot, but I have equipped you with more. Don't worry. I am your comforter. I delight in loving you, and helping you. -- ahh thank you Jesus <333333
Well... I guess that's it for the blog because God just totally spoke to my heart <3 PRAISE JESUS <3
I have my own personal comforter because God is love.
This is how I'm feeling today -- a cluster of emotions all storming at once and fighting for my attention. I am SOOOO happy because it is Julianna's 2nd birthday! Brace yourself for some hardcore cliche -- she is such a blessing! I LOVE that little girl!! I can't describe how I feel when she calls me "Ampie Em" or sometimes, she's too cool for the "Em" and just says "Hey Ampie!" -- ahh I loove it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE JUJ!!! <33
So obviously happiness is one of the emotions stirring in me. Then there's feelings that are pathetic. I have missed work since Tuesday because I either got sick or got bombarded with allergies. I lost my voice, hence I can't make calls, hence I can't work. So I've been trying to get better obviously, and praise God, yesterday I really felt better! No more headache or throat tickling coughing, or just that over all dreadful feeling. But.. I still didn't have enough of a voice so my supervisor told me to stay home. Last night, I was talking more, and had more of a voice and was confident that I could work today. I called my supervisor and he said I sounded good enough and to come on in! But... I don't feel that good. Therapy was harder than usual, and I was coughing more than usual. I check my oxygen -- 86 ! (FYI, that's bad.) So I call him back for the umpteenth time, and just give him a heads up that I will be wearing oxygen at work. I finally get out the door and get to work... late. I haven't been late for the 3 weeks I've been there. I haven't even been on time -- I like getting there EARLY! lol but anyway.. bla bla bla .. I got up the stairs and couldn't breathe good.. ppl were asking if I was ok but I couldnt answer because I had to try to catch my breath. After I did, I said I was fine, although I doubt anyone believed me .. I wouldnt believe me either haha. I was at work for like 20 minutes and told my supervisor I couldn't do it. I didn't have enough breath to get through the scripts, and when I did get through them, my voice was cutting in and out. I don't want to lose sales for the company because of my voice. Thank God for my supervisor -- he was so kind and understanding - telling me it's not my fault and to rest up and feel better. SO nice! So I'm on my way home, and it's like a raging battle in my mind for my thoughts. I'm thinking -- well you know you're getting closer to transplant, and then I'd start to cry, and then the Bible verses that say not to worry about tomorow, and to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ, come into my mind. And then I start analyzing out of control -- well it's ok to be upset, but I have nothing to worry about because I have Jesus, but I'm sad, but I'm glad I have such an awesome Saviour, but this but that.. and so on and so forth. BLAAA!
Transplant is a touchy topic for me and if I'm not careful, the devil can really use it to his advantage. I do not want a transplant. I understand that if the time comes when I really need one, I'll want one. And I am SOO thankful and comforted that I have a backup like transplant. BUT the more I learn about transplant, the more I don't want one. Certain things -- silly things -- come to mind -- like I can't be kissed by puppies and they can't sleep in my bed. I know, I know, stupid. Obviously I'd choose to live rather than cuddling with my pup, but still. And after surgery my ribs are wired back together... the wires stay in there. I can't take it. I can't go into any more than that cause even just those are starting to make me anxious, and that's the opposite of what I'm striving for. Anyway, I've started having nightmares about transplant. I've had one like the past three nights. The gist of them is that transplant is approaching before I'm ready.
I think that's really why I'm upset. It's disappointing that I've only been off IVs for a week and I only got to enjoy a few days. I am always so hopeful after IVs -- feeling good, wanting to start exercising, doing things in my day instead of just sleeping -- it' soo great! But I only got I think like 3 days from 2 weeks of IVs.. and now I'm on oxygen -- what is going on here? It's funny how the bad sticks out amongst so much goodness though. I could sit here and complain, which I have been doing this whole post, about this or that... and have I once mentioned how awesome God is in comforting me? I'm alive, and more importantly, HE IS ALIVE. I just keep getting reminded that God's in control -- Dear Emily, don't you remember when you were told you had a blood clot in your heart? I was there for that. I was there for the anxiety, the crying, the panic. I was there for the tough decisions and every repercussion of those decisions. I was right there in the chaos. And don't you remember? Just as I set a boundary for the ocean on the sand, I set a boundary for that. I wouldn't allow that to go any further than what I willed for it, and I have complete command over every circumstance, every health scare, and every detail of life. I am with you still. Don't forget how I've proved myself before. Remember, my daughter, that I will always have complete command. Storms calm, demons flee and breath is given with just my name. I am not leaving you to deal with this, either. But please remember to keep your focus on me. The chaos is so much more when you're eyes are focused on the storm, instead of the storm calmer. It may seem like a lot, but I have equipped you with more. Don't worry. I am your comforter. I delight in loving you, and helping you. -- ahh thank you Jesus <333333
Well... I guess that's it for the blog because God just totally spoke to my heart <3 PRAISE JESUS <3
I have my own personal comforter because God is love.
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