HAPPY NEW YEAR! lol it's 2014, and here we are, living, laughing, breathing.. and learning.
If I could be, I'd be a forever student... I want to learn everything. I want to learn Spanish, and German. I want to learn gymnastics. I want to learn to dance jazz, lyrical, hiphop, tap, and pointe. I want to learn about neurology, and pharmacology, and speech pathology. I want to learn American sign language and... well I think you get the picture.
Does anyone else notice anything about what I said? Where in that list is I want to learn more about God? Where in that list is I want to learn more of who the woman God wants me to be for him? Interesting...
So many people asked me how it was possible to praise Jesus through the storm.. and frankly it wasn't hard. I don't mean that in a conceited way. God tells us to "be still and know that I am God", and frankly, that's a lot easier to do when you can't move. I hadn't realized just how much had been taken from me due to CF.. sure I knew I couldn't go out and do fun things, or exercise, or really even laugh much.. sometimes i physically didn't have enough breath to speak out loud.. but you adapt to your circumstances, and even on my silent, lonely days, it was so very clear that I was resting warmly in the Lord's strong arms. He completely enveloped me and rained down his blessings on me as he reigned over my circumstances. I didn't fight with my parents much, partially because there was nothing to fight over, partially because i didn't have enough energy to fight. I didn't have responsibilities except to do what it took to keep myself alive. I didn't really hang out much with friends, except for the few who would come lounge with me and watch movies all day without really speaking (thanks Jay, and June, the two who did that the most <3), and my credit card bill was at an all time low. My car was always filled up with gas because I couldn't go out. I couldn't get angry to the point where it became sinful, and there certainly wasn't any boy related relationship drama because really.. I'm focusing on breathing, boys weren't even attractive unless you came in carrying a new oxygen tank. I never realized that all these things were part of a real life because they were absent from my reality for so long.
So flash forward to now. Turns out I can be pretty mean, I fight with my parents on a daily basis, I can get myself into trouble, I have to frequently refill my gas tank, my credit card is at an all time high, I have responsibilities around the house, I have the peer pressures of doing ungodly things, I have the challenges of explaining to my friends why I do or don't do certain things, and I have to be discerning in my actions to try to have them reflect God's character. I mess up on all of these things. A lot.
It's almost shocking to me the person that I really am, and more shocking to me how merciful our God is.
DAILY I mess up. Numerous times. Even when I'm like, "Ok.. learned not to do that anymore... I'll do better next time." I can literally turn around and do the EXACT same thing without realizing until afterwards. And as I hang my head in shame and defeat, there's a love that gently lifts my head back up to see amazing grace and unending forgiveness. "Try again, my child." he warmly says to my heart.
1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
So.. whether we want to yell at our mom and say mean things, or stay out past curfew, (or other things that shall remain unnamed on here :P), from the "smallest" to the "biggest" sins that tempt, God has already prepared an escape route for us. There is ALWAYS another choice, another way, "a way out so [we] can endure it." But what is it? Something hard, probably. Temptations always hard. But God tells us his yolk is easy and his burden is light, and he means it.. because the way out? .. Talk to him.
Matthew 26:41 - Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!
Wow. He knows we are weak, and the escape route, the way to freedom from that temptation is to talk to God. What a friend we have in Jesus <3
And not only that, when we DO mess up, and ultimately come crawling back, why should the King of kings accept us? Especially me? He did incredible miracles, he not only saved and restored, but abundantlyyyy filled, went beyond what I could think of, gave much more than minimum, more than average, and showed me there is NO maximum for Jesus. And yet, I still turn to my selfishness, after ALL of that. And that's when the King of kings, the ultimate Judge, the ONLY Perfect One astonishes me again. He corrects me gently.
Our Lord is the King of kings, perfect, just, the Creator of the world, of all the intricate details of our bodies that we know about and don't even understand, and the stuff we don't even know about. Yet, he is gentle, warm, and welcoming of us time and time again. Don't give up when you stumble, because whether you feel like it or not, he's always standing there with his out-stretched arm to gently pick you back up, mend your wounds and teach you again.
And he is so incredible.
Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
He's teaching me to delight in him, he's teaching me fear of him.
Proverbs 9:10 - The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.
And what exactly is learning all those things mentioned above? Wisdom.
In his gentle discipline, the LORD gives me the desires of my heart because God is love.
