We will return after these (looooong) messages.

Heelllloooo!  So for probably the thousandth time I'll say ... I'm going to try to keep up on here more. hahah let's see how that works out this time.  I'm not really sure if my lack of commitment to this is a downfall or benefit to you guys :P
 
THIS IS A SUPER, SUPER, LONG POSTTTTT!  It's more for me to just be able to write and get the long update out of my system so that I can return to shorter posts after this one.  For those of you who skip this post, I completely understand.  For those of you who attempt to read it.. may the force be with you, young blog-walkers. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! lol Spent Christmas with the fam and loving on my little stogey Logey (btw Vic, if you read this and it bothers you that I call him that.. please let me know lol and if it does, sorry in advance!) and of course little Juj!  I still seriously can't get over the personality on that tiny girl!  It was a really, really good time.  New Years Eve June, Patti and Ben came over and played games, ate and celebrated.  Good times, good times.

I also made ginger bread cookies for the first time in my life!  This may come as a shock to some people .. but let's face it -- I'm no baker. lol even this time I didn't even really make them .. although I helped!  My friend Jay brought EVERYTHING except the cookie sheet over so that I could make cookies.  How nice was that!  I basically just watched and helped out here or there, but everything came out really tastey and we even made a mini wrestling ring out of the ginger bread! SO cool!  Thanks Jay!

So now up to the more present... This is the first semester I'm not taking classes in five years.  Can you believe I've been in college for FIVE YEARS?!  Not going to lie, it gets kind of disheartening seeing kids younger than me graduating before me -- but thankfully God gave me that "forever student" kind of heart -- i loveee learning and if I could, I'd take classes forever, even after my degree, just in random things that would be interesting to learn about.  I took American Sign Language last year but can't take the second course of it because it was suchhhh a struggle to get there and maintain my grade.  I am an A - B student although I'll admit there are a few B-s in there :[  But nothing kills me more than working my butt of to get to the class, doing A work, and receiving a lower grade because I missed material and didn't know it for the quiz, or missed a quiz completely, etc.   This past semester was the roughest yet.. I got an F on a quiz (I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!! much less handle it lol) and I cried in front of my professor lol. It was because I was late and missed half of the quiz, so I got a 0 for that section... I then did some extra credit work with the help of a few friends (Thanks Rienna, Liam, Jay and Ben!) and hoped for the best, which obviously is an A for the final grade. My prof was skeptical about accepting extra credit, but thank God because he did!  I got an A!! I know I only take 1 class a semester.. but I love seeing "term GPA: 4.0" yeaaaa budddy!

Anddddd although I was disappointed that I wouldn't be taking classes this semester (it was really my fault for not following up with an advisor about my classes sooner.. and now the ones I need aren't online.. if they even were in the first place?... in my defense, I pull the "I have a lung disease" card) God is a God of hope and hope I got!  I only have 6 classes left to get me associates in psychology!  lol I know its just a baby degree but just think... in 7 more years I could get my bachelors! hahahaha

And the biggest news of all is - drum roll please - I'm going crazy.  Well not really.  And some of you may say that happened a long time ago :P but I feel crazy at least.  I was never very emotional, or so I thought, and now.. that's all I am!  I could cry, and do cry, over anythinggg!  I even turn off Happy Feet after the greatest part which occurs in like the first 10 minutes of the movie... For those of you who don't know what part that is.. it's when that little rapper penguin sings "don't push me cause I'm close to the edgeee..." Anyway... I think this whole transplant thing has broken me a little bit.. or a lotta bit.  I'm kind of being forced to think about things, and be real with my emotions, like I never have before.  It's not even all stuff regarding transplant.  The other night I had an epiphany about my self esteem -- uhhh what's going on here?  Anyway.. Friday night my church small group met again -- yayyy! -- I had missed a lot because I've been sick so much, and was sooo happy to get back!  But being the bipolarish girl that i am now, it came time to go, and I was happy.. oh wait no i wasnt!  I was upset .. for no reason other than my self pity accompanied by exhaustion.  I was about to call it quits on going, when God just really put it on my heart that I needed to go, and I knew what He was up to.  I knew that staying home would make me fall deeper in my momentary depression, and that He had something planned for me if I went... so I did.  And sure enough, He did.  I was instantly cheered by the greetings and kindness from people I had missed so much.  Their generosity made it a lot easier on me... I HATE asking people other than my family for help, and I'm still not quite used to lugging around oxygen with me... But I guess what I was forgetting was that in a way, these people ARE my family, too.  We ate some realllyy good soup and bread, and then started the study of the night.. and surprise, surprise, God refreshed me in His Word.  It was EXACTLY what I needed, and He reassured me of things that were floating in the back of my mind.  I left my house crying, and came home beaming.  I LOVE how nice God is!

I guess that's really it for now lol I wonder if anyone actually read this whole thing.  If you did, please remind me to mention you in my next one or something with major props to you lol this post was more for me to rant and get it out of my system so that I can get back to shorter, more normal posts hahahah. 

Also, brace yourselves for poems.  I wrote one the other day, and feel more coming on.  Introducing Emily - Emotional Poet Extraordinaire (sp?).

God is still nice to me even when I'm an emotional wreck because God is love.

just keep swimming, it's harder than you think.. or is it?

in this hurricane, so much is blowing about
there's so much pain and heartache, i can't help but doubt.
the water's rising fast, and my float is not inflated
this life is turning out to be way too complicated
i'll be completely honest, please try to understand
growing up i never thought CF would have the upper hand
i hate that i am boring now, my life revolves around my disease
all my conversations consist of sats and PFTS
i'm trying my hardest, but i can't help but look to the past
i just didnt know my healthy years would dissolve so fast
i watch as my friends graduate, move out and find their heart
meanwhile im just waiting for my life to restart
i havent admitted this, so please be gentle with me
but there's a lot of feelings and thoughts in my head,
that i don't let you see.
so here i am about to drown, struggling my hardest just to swim
and then my sweet Jesus reminds me, all i have to do is look at Him.
He knows the storm I'm in, and knows I easily forget
that His plans don't stop here, he's not done with me yet
He won't leave me or forsake me, He holds my hand when I'm scared
And every time I focus on him, this heart somehow gets repaired
The sweet name of Jesus brings peace to my mind
Suddenly it's ok to leave the past behind
Every doubt i have, every concern, every worry
God addresses directly, and they vanish in a hurry
Sometimes I close my eyes in fear, i hold them shut so tight
I forget if I just open them, my life is flooded with His light
You see, it wasn't until Peter took his eyes off Jesus, that he began to sink
So maybe staying afloat is a lot simpler than I think.


I can do my than stay afloat because God is love.