Happy Thanksgiving!

Ah.. Thanksgiving. Where do you start when thinking of all the things you're thankful for? Food and water is pretty high on the list. Along with my properly working tastebuds so I can enjoy said food and water... And my bed. Definitely my bed. And Pip. And my family. And my lungs! And our house with a working heating system. And cold, drinkable water. And hot water to make the perfect showers. And my best friends. And chocolate..... to eat in my wonderful bed. The list can go on and on.. But today I'm not going to write about how I'm thankful for those things. I'm going to write about what I'm MOST thankful for out of everything else. It's quite a long list and I've already had to shorten it to fit on this blog so bear with me here.

Psalm 34:15a

                       The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous an his ears are attentive to their cry...

Psalm 23:3

                 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.

Psalm 23:4a 

                       I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

                               But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

Exodus 14:14 

                        The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.

Psalm 84:11 

                      For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Psalm 5:12

                  For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.

John 10:27

                  My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.

Psalm 147:10-11

                            His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor His delight in the legs of the warrior. The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Hebrews 12:18-24

                               You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death." The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear." But you have come to Mount Zion , to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

Hebrews 9:11-12

                              So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood - not the blood of goats and calves - he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever.

I'm thankful because God is love.

I can feel it in my chest

Hello all :] So life with lungs is incredible. Going to the beach, returning to the thrill of roller coasters, running/dancing/jumping/playing with my niece and nephew.. Sometimes my past doesn't seem like it actually happened.  The joy I have now far outweighs the sorrows of my past.

Yesterday was particularly amazing for me. I guess I should start out this story by saying how much I LOVE the beach! Every time I go I can't help but get caught up in how much God loves us. The beach, even on a stormy day, is always so beautiful; the vastness of the skies are always proclaiming the glory of the Lord.

Psalm 19:1 NASB

For the choir director. A Psalm of David.

The heavens are telling of the glory of God;

And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.

Not only that -- I can NEVER get over how much sand there is. We all know how tiny those little grains are. I can't even come up with a realistic number in mind of how many grains it takes to cover the entire beach the way they do. And it absolutely blows my mind to stand there, and see a visual of how much God thinks of us.

Psalm 139:17-18 NLT

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them:

They outnumber the grains of sand! 

And when I wake up, you are still with me!

I love it!  So here I am, at one of my favorite places to be. The sun is beaming down in that perfect way where it's not just hot out, but you can actually feel the warmth on your skin directly from rays of sun. After practically bathing in sun screen and laying down our blanket, cooler with plenty of cold water, bags, towels, sun glasses and any other accessories we brought, my friend and I finally made the trek down from our little relaxation spot to the water. The waves were beautiful and rough; crashing and colliding with the shore line making little bubbles come up to our feet. So. Perfect.  We went running into the ocean and soon discovered the waves were a lot rougher than we originally deemed them to be. It was glorious. Jumping over some waves, or just being slightly hit by them is always a good time, but more often than the tiny, reserved waves were these monstrous, hulking, all consuming waves that would come out of what seemed like no where. As the first one crashed down on me, I was pushed onto the bottom (we weren't out that far) and scraped along the ocean floor as the waves pushed me ashore without letting me come up for air right away. My friend yelled "ARE YOU OK?!" and I honestly thought -- I have never been better. I didn't panic, I wasn't scared. I have working lungs that can not only breathe, but hold their breath, too! Through out the day, alternating between safely chatting on our blanket and getting totally beaten up by the waves, I thought, "God, this can't get any better". 

But just like God, of course it did. God always, always out does our plans. I can only imagine his delight when he gets to finally reveal the surprises he has in store for us. It's like a kid who's thrilled to be at the community park playing on the swings, but you know that later you're bringing them to Disney World.

Two friends (shout out to Lesjahn and Jess! :P) and I went to the Switchfoot/Need to breathe concert that same night. It was so much fun! Loud music, lights and cheering, and the ocean breeze giving us just the right amount of relief in the hot crowd. By the time Need To Breathe came on the stage, we had worked our way up to the front - so close that we were actually at the barriers they have between the stage and the crowd -- and more importantly, right next to the speakers! We stood (well really, danced, swayed, clapped...everything but just stood) there listening to the music blare all around us and screamed as loud as we could. Then the bass came through the speakers, and my chest resonated like the sound was bursting out from inside of my body.  I had to stop and think for a moment. This feeling is familiar. My lungs vibrated as I breathed in to sing the next line as loud as my voice would let me, and I felt that familiarity again. I definitely knew this feeling, except it wasn't exactly deja vu -- it was familiar but different.  And then I started crying.  The Lord helped me remember. He helped my mind pin point what my body had already recognized.

The last time my lungs vibrated like this was when they were being inflated and deflated by my respirator as I waited, dying for new lungs. This feeling really WAS familiar but more importantly, it really was DIFFERENT. This time, as my lungs vibrated, I wasn't in pain or suffering. I wasn't struggling to breathe. I wasn't hooked up to machines. This time, my lungs were vibrating as I danced, clapped, laughed and sang. They fluttered with the music that was the background a night of praising the Lord. And I wish I could describe it but no matter what I say won't actually give the moment justice - it was like a movie -- the whole crowd just faded away, except for God and I, and I stood (this time actually stood) in awe of our God. The breeze blowing on my face, the bass reverberating in my lungs.

I remembered lying in the bed. I remembered the pain, and the exact feeling that I hated having a machine control my breathing rate and my lungs. Mostly, I remembered the feeling that that was life, that it wasn't going to get better, that I would be stuck like that until I died. A lot of times, whether the situation is literally dire, or we at least feel that it is, our eyes/hearts/minds don't fixate on God's promises, but instead only ponder our hopelessness/unhappiness. Last night, I was reminded yet again of how God always holds true to his promises.

Isaiah 40:31

...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

My entire life I have felt things in my chest; infection, pneumonia, bacteria, scarring, shortness of breath, and ultimately felt the inability to breathe at all. 

Last night I felt something in my chest, too. Except this time, it felt like life.

I felt it in my chest because God is love.

Who Am I? Only God Knows...

Hey Everyone!

So tonight's blog was prompted by listening to a Laura Story song.  Honestly, I feel like I could write a whole devotional based off of her songs and the way they connect with my life and I have a funny feeling I'm not the only one who feels that way.  If you haven't heard of Laura Story or you just haven't gotten around to listening to her music yet, I would definitely recommend listening to her songs!

So the concept of this blog is actually pretty short and sweet.  Let God be your God. The actual blog, of course, will not be short... but hopefully sweet! :]

CF always enjoyed reminding us of its threat and of the tolls it took on me.  One of those tolls being that once I got really sick, my choices were already chosen for me. I didn't decide what I wanted to do on any given day, my exhaustion did. My lungs dictated if I would laugh regardless if I thought something was hilarious. And my chest and ribs stubbornly kept me awake all night despite how tired the rest of me was.  After getting transplanted, this was entirely different. Every possible desire and opportunity came flying at me. It was like I suddenly found myself in Distractions R' US and I couldn't leave until I had browsed through everything. Even when distractions were calm, though, I found myself struggling in a battle --- against myself.  I didn't know how to be someone. I had to relearn how to be social and hold conversations.  I had to decide what my interests and hobbies were going to be. It felt like I basically had to think up a new me but at the same time I wanted to be who everyone else wanted me to be, too. In movies, when someone reinvents themselves, it comes so easily.  They try new things and like them.  They dive into uncomfortable social settings and find that secretly their social butterfly was just yearning to be released. They whimsically decide on a career and pursue it with great motivation and little hindrances, all the while trying new scrumptious looking food.  Folks, if you haven't figured this out quite yet --- movies lie. In my upgraded version of myself, I was confused, fragile and stressed about being confused and fragile when clearly this was supposed to be this great movie of me finally taking life by the reigns (and possibly even including a wardrobe montage to 80s music.. but I guess that would depend on which movie I'd be basing my life off of... :P).  I was uncertain of mostly everything and I couldn't have hated it more.  Who was I? Who was I supposed to be? What was I supposed to do?  What classes should I take? Do I want to give that gross foo another try? How should I this or that?  What am I supposed to act like? Or look like? Say? Do?!  There were only 1 thing I was absolutely sure of:

I am God's.

I had tons of questions constantly whirling in my mind, and I only knew one thing...  The cool part is -- that one thing I knew turned out to be the answer to every single question I had.  I am God's. I don't have to try to be this or that - God will mold me and teach me.  I don't have to make career decisions on my own - God will lead me.  I don't have to freak out over what to: say, do, act like, look like, BE like.  These are all examples of burdens that the Lord never intended for us to carry alone.  He did the heavy lifting when he carried the cross to pay for our sins, and because of his sacrifice and victory over death, when we walk with Jesus, we are also blessed by God's promises.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" - Jeremiah 29:11
He knows already! Why am I stressing out trying to do God's job when He's already said that He has made the plans for me? 

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10
Out of all the beautiful things and creatures God has created -- he calls us his masterpiece! My confidence comes from the Lord.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13
Whatever God calls me to do, I don't have to worry if I cant handle it in my own strength, because it will be God's strength that I run off of. 


We aren't supposed to stress, worry and drive ourselves nuts. We are just supposed to let God be God.

"Be still, and know that I am God!  " - Psalm 46:10

I can trust God with my life and my decisions because God is love. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X8D5stUFCU  <<--- the Laura Story song this blog was prompted by -- check it out! <3

Silence is golden... and glorifying!

Hellloooo.

I'm going to jump right in to what I'm thinking and pray that the LORD is using my fingers and keyboard as his tools.

So today I was reading my devotional and the Scripture that was paired with it was Psalms 19:1-4a

"The heavens proclaim the glory of God.

The skies display his craftsmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak;

night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;

their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,

and their words to all the world."

Brace yourselves for something totally out of the ordinary! -- also, please pick up my incredibly heavy sarcasm there -- because obviously what comes to mind is... you guessed it! --- My times on life support!

I apologize if I repeat stories I've already told a million times, and I know I've already written before about how God can still hear you when you can't speak, and he can and will use your silence as much as he can use your voice, and sometimes silence can be even louder.

I couldn't make a sound, or word.  The tracheotomy prohibited any air from reaching my vocals cords, and therefore, I couldn't talk no matter how hard I tried... and being a Gorsky... I tried VERY hard to talk :P  

But seriously.. my voice was never heard. And yet, it was during this time that my life proclaimed the glory of God like it never had before.  It was when I had no vocalization that my life continued to speak day after day and night after night my silence made God known.

Just a disclaimer as well -- I had nothing  to do with this.  I wasn't laying there like "oh yeah... I am so going to silently proclaim God's glory today with this life support!" Just like Psalms 19:1-4 says, it's what GOD has created that brings him glory because it displays his craftsmanship. It reminds me of a great art museum -- people go to see the textures, colors and creativeness used in the paintings as they are displayed for the world to see. The same is true with our lives -- God is the greatest artist of all, and in our lives are the most intricate details, vivid colors and creative layouts.  Our lives display God's craftsmanship - in fact.. we are even called God's workmanship!  Look up Ephesians 2:10. 

The way God laid out my life's painting was to bring him glory through the storm. I am incredibly honored to look back and realize all the ways Jesus let my life display his works, and realize the privilege it was to proclaim his glory silently but loudly.

But that brings me to where I am now -- very much able to talk, and very much so utilizing that ability haha. So it makes me think..

Now that I have a voice to glorify the Lord with my words and sounds, how am I choosing to glorify him without my voice as well?  It is a wonderfully blessed gift to be able to shout his praises and talk to him aloud -- but I don't want to be limited in the way my life speaks of him and to him -- I want both.  I want to "continue to speak" in every aspect of my life -- both the verbal, and the silent.  

I want my lips to speak the goodness of the Lord, and when words are too many, or aren't enough... let my silence be glory.

" Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. "

Psalm 40:5

Our lives display God's glory because God is love.