Names hold more value than we give them credit for. Most parents take a lot of time and effort deciding what to name their child. Heck, it took me a week just to name my dog! But a name holds a special importance.. Baby name dictionaries give meanings for this name and that name, being named after a relative is a high honor, and some names even are believed to shape a person's personality!
I like my name a lot and frankly, without tooting my own horn here, I feel it matches who I've been my whole life. Emily; hard worker. (P.S. I totally recommend looking up your name, too! Although it's kinda besides the actual point of this post, it's still really fun!)
As I've mentioned a bunch of times now, post transplant life presents new and very different issues than I'm used to dealing with.
Example: Pre transplant, when I didn't like someone or didn't want to talk to someone, I had an excuse not to because I couldn't really breathe to talk anyway, and I was so super tired all the time that no one minded when I'd just walk away, or lay down in the middle of them talking. (Of course this had its downfalls because the people I REALLY did want to talk to got the same treatment. I bet you're wondering which category you fell under, aren't you? :P) Being so hindered in communicating with others kind of left me in a state of hazy awkwardness when I could breathe. Not breathing conditioned me into behaving a certain way socially, but breathing brought different expectations and a land in which I had forgotten many of the cultural rules. This culture shock brings about many other difficulties like gossip, attitudes and exaggerating situations.. all of which I do NOT want in my life, let alone in my personality.
Anyway, so I'm post transplant 1 year, 1 month and 24.5 days. I am 24, soon to be 25 (woohoo!) years old, and I know my name. Or do I?
Being so firm in the LORD while waiting for lungs in my protected little bubble was much easier than standing firm in the LORD in such a complex world. There was not much to distract me when I lived on my couch, but now... there's everything. Serious props the the normies out there for living in such a distracting world their whole lives.
The person I am today is a lot different than the person who lived in that bubble for so long, and that's both a good and bad thing. But I get to make decisions on more than just my vent settings now.. Decisions about a life I never thought I'd have - a life of abundance that I had given up on, but God didn't.
All these distractions, all these decisions, just the fact that I'm different than before all make knowing who I am harder. What are truly my interests? What do I like now? How do I react to things? How do I represent Christ? Is this ok or not ok? Exploring who I really am now is quite a tedious task! And I won't lie, it's scary but intriguing to try to figure out who you are.
And I'm failing. BUT, I'm not fretting.
God knows my real name. In fact, God is the one who gave me my real name -- I just don't know what it is yet. See, when people went and committed their lives to following Christ, God gave them new names. The disciple Peter's given, earthly name was Simon. It was God who gave him his real name. The same goes for Paul; his original name was Saul. God changed their hearts, and then changed their names.
I don't know what my real name is and frankly, I don't need to right now because during a time of thinking about who I truly am -- God pointed it out to me.. not my name, but who I am.
I am HIS. And in any trial, in any identity crisis, in any particularly distracting day, that will remain constant. I am always his.
I do follow Jesus, he has changed my heart and so I know he has a name for me...
but I don't need to worry or stress over what my name is...
because I know what HIS name is. Jesus <3
because I know what HIS name is. Jesus <3
So... what's your name? But more importantly, do you know His?
Jesus knows our names - both spiritual and earthly - and he invites us to know His because God is love.
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