Bla... so I don't feel very well. I had a rough day, and on top of that -- my poor little lungs are so tired. I am constantly breathing SOO hard, I really could be Darth Vader -- but I'd have to be Darth Vaderette -- Luke, I am your mother... hahah anyway.. I'm coughing what seems like constantly, too. I can feel my body getting tired, and everything is starting to frustrate me. I went to class today, though. Thanks to God, of course. I walked in and one of the girls who sits in front of me was like "Are you ok..." and then the teacher got nervous and came over to me and asked if I was all right, and told me not to push it, that if I needed to, I could leave anytime. God seriously blessed me an understanding professor! I came home after, tried to eat something but barely could -- the coughing makes me feel like I've just done 205357 crunches, and nauscious (sp?).. After that, I took a 3 hour nap which was nice. Woke up to lil Pip literally jumping all over me, and then Sprock wanted to snug.. on top of me -- he isn't the lightest little dog haha but I love them both. I woke up and did my therapy.. which frustrated me to no end. I know I'm supposed to cough, but lungs were literally tired before I started my therapy.. And then on top of that.. (if you have a weak stomache, skip this part cause it's gross.) the therapy stirs up the mucus so you can cough it out, but sometimes I can't cough it out.. So I can just feel it like vibrating in my chest every time I breath in, and then I naturally try to cough it out cause I HATE that feeling .. blaaa .. I ate a little salad and a little chocolate afterwards. Watched TV, read some Bible, and now came upstairs to sleep.. but I just don't feel well, so I can't sleep, hence I decided to blog. But enough complaining!
Praise God! He has surrounded me with Christ lovers to encourage me! I can't tell you how much I needed the body of Christ last night, and today to help me through. I thank God for them sooo much! How nice of God too, that HE is all we need, but He understands how we feel, so although He's going through everything with us, He still gives us members of the body to lean on and give each other confirmation in our decisions. Bahh.... And how awesome is He that He, Himself, encourages us with His Word. Today .. I honestly felt, and still feel a little bit, like I just want to be done. I emailed my docs, and one of them said to start antibiotics, and another treatment.. and I just felt soo... done. Not defeated, but like I just wanted to give up.. I'm already on pills and treatments and the works. New pills come with new problems... Antibiotics upset my stomache. So maybe I'll breathe a little better, but my stomache kills. I'm just trading in problems. And the treatment -- I JUST came off. If we keep using it as a rescue every single time, it's going to stop working. I was done. And then I read 1 Corinthians 1. And Paul talks about how he's happy he only baptised a handful of people, so that no one can say they were baptised in Paul's name.. he goes on to say that his gift isn't for baptising, it's for preaching the Good News. And God just used that. My gift may be long suffering. Am I going to just give up because it gets frustrating? Let me say it again. My GIFT may be long suffering. Gift - not curse. Am I weak in my gift? Yes. But in my weakness, Gods strength is made perfect. Would I like a different gift? hahah perhaps... but THIS is what God has chosen for me for now, and I should rejoice in it! Aren't we called to rejoice in our sufferings because we are relating to Christ's sufferings? Yes! And by far, Jesus suffered much more than I! And He did it for me -- and still chooses to endure this suffering with me. What an incredible God we serve. As I'm typing this, I know it's not even fulling hitting me how great this is, and certainly itsn't hitting me how great Jesus is.. I can't wait til the day I fully see Him and grasp more of His Holiness. And how nice too.. that I don't feel well, and I can't sleep, and God gives me this time to take my mind off of how I'm feeling this exact moment, and focus it instead on Him. Makes me want to laugh, but that's just like God -- "He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21
I can rejoice in suffering because God is love.
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