God's so nice!

So yesterday we went to the doctors, and it turns out the test results said I'm positive for lymes.  So we went over to a different doctor who deals with lymes, and he evaluated me and said that the test can come back positive after someone's had lymes, even if they don't have it right now, which he feels is the case for me.  He said that the antibiotics I've been on for the CF took care of the lymes as well (2 birds one stone).  Now I should have been happy and praising God for this, but I wasn't.  As crazy as it sounds, I almost wanted to have lymes just so we could finally figure out the exact problem, and fix it.  I was feeling so defeated yesterday.  I just didn't want to go with God's plan of me being sick.  I didn't want to deal with doctors, IVs, bloodsugars, medicines.. I didn't want to have to be responsible in planning my day so that I get all the therapy in.. I didn't want to cough.  I didn't want to be tired. I just didn't want anything to do with it.  After the doctors, my mood got even worse.  I was praying for God to help me receive his grace, and praying for him to change my heart because if this is the plan he has for me, I know that it's the best, even if it doesn't seem like it -- I can't see the unseen, I can't see the glory he'll receive from it, or how it'll even benefit me, which it will, that's just how Jesus works.  So we're on our way home -- my dad is talking about the doctors, which I REALLY didn't want to hear.  It was a long day, and I wanted to escape it all.  Trying to hold back tears in the car, I just kept praying asking for Jesus to help me.  I was being attacked.  I KNOW this is for the best.  I KNOW my suffering is not without cause.  I KNOW that with Jesus, my suffering isn't even really suffering.  I KNOW Jesus holds true to his promises.  I KNOW that this is no surprise to Him -- he KNOWS the plans he has for me -- and they're for GOOD.  I KNOW that this is just temporary, and that in this Jesus brings me delightful things.  And I KNOW that Jesus' heart breaks for me.  I KNOW he's going through all of this with me.  Every emotion.  Every pain.  Every hope.  Every let down.  Every breath and every cough -- He is CHOOSING to feel it with me.  Incredible.  But what's more incredible is that I can know all of this, and still feel defeated.  And that's how I was feeling.  Just. So. Defeated.  And then a song came on the radio.. I wasn't really paying attention to the music, but these words seemed to just be louder than the rest -- "Hold fast, help is on the way."  And it was like Jesus saying to me -- Just wait a little longer, my warrior!  You're so close to bringing me the glory I'm getting from this.  You're not forgotten, and you're not alone.  I am with you.  I feel your heart breaking, but if you only knew what was to come of this, if you could only see my plans... ---  Praise You Father!  What an awesome awesome comforter and healer and lover we have in Jesus Christ!  I'm tearing just typing this because He is SO GOOD!  I don't even have words..

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I CAN take heart because God is love.