"They will renew their strength, They'll run and not grow tired, walk and not faint."

BAH. So yesterday started off great, but I got my daily 11 AM fever, which knocked me down but only for a little while.  After that, the day was awesome.  We had a music therapist come into our room, and she was more than willing to do worship music!  So we had a half hour worship session which was awesomeee!  How cool to praise God from my hospital bed?!  And she brought up a keyboard that had a drum setting, so my dad "played the drums", the woman played the guitar, and my mom and dad and I all sang.  It was so nice.  And I didn't need to be on oxygen for it.  In fact, during the praising, my oxygen went up to 98% on room air!  Thank you Jesus :]  He loves to hear our songs to Him!  Right after that I had my first physical therapy.  They have like an exercise room to go to, but since I have the flu we weren't sure if I was allowed in there.  So instead, the therapist listed some things I could do in my room, and I picked one.  Want to know what it was?  Play Wii!  I hopped around playing DDR for a half an hour, which by the way I completely stink at.  But it was so much fun!  And it felt so good to breath hard because I was exercising and not just because I was trying to breath.  It was so funny, too, because my surgeon who got the whole ball out, stopped by room as I was playing.  He just stood there giving me this look like, "Don't you have the flu?"  Haha!  It was great.  I got back into my bed and said to my parents "I'm sweating!".  I was so excited.  It's just such a blessing and so nice of God that I can be sweating and breathing heavy from exercise, not just from living.  And it's soo nice of Him to like give me that breath, that when I'm done exercising, my breathing slows and I stop sweating.  I know it must sound crazy, but I went from breathing soo hard just by waking up, sweating and coughing and breathing harder just by walking to my kitchen, to breathing relatively normal (not completely because the CF is still there) but soo much better than I was, and now I can actually play DDR?  It astonishes me.  Then last night I was really concerned about insulins and stuff, because I didn't feel it was being taken care of properly, and God worked out all my insulins, the nightfeed dose rate and everything to give me perfect blood sugar numbers this morning.  BAHH.  He's so good!  Then today, the pulmonary team came in and told us that they think I'm doing pretty well and they don't think the flu will really effect my CF too much.  Praise God!  But just like God, he keeps pouring out blessings.  They said they don't see any reason to do the 2 week IV "tune up" that was being planned, and that we'll see, but they think I can be discharged tomorrow! YAY!  I didn't get a fever today, either!  My dad and I had a movie marathon, but it got slightly interrupted because of therapy... massage therapy.  I almost can't believe how much God is blessing me.  So, got the massage, and then went to physical therapy, because they checked and as long as I wore a mask in the hallway, they could clean the exercise rom after I'd been in it.  So off to the exercise room we went, which by the way was awesome.  They have this huge picture of Boomer Esiason (an famous NFL player whose son has CF) all in uniform, a big flat screen tv, treadmill, and exercycle.  I LOVE the treadmill, so that's what I picked and for a half an hour I walked on the treadmill!  How awesome!! Four days ago I couldn't even breath while I was laying down.. and today I got to walk on the treadmill!  Jesus isn't kidding about his promises.  When he says that He'll renew our strength, and that we will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31), he means it, and he was nice enough to show that to me today.  I LOVED it!  God is just soo good.. I did have some pain in my chest afterward, but it's gone now.  Please pray I continue to improve!  And for my patience, and strength because it's still a long road with therapy and lung rebuilding when we get home.  I can't wait to see my little pups, though!  I guess my family & friends too... hehe jk! 

I can walk on a treadmill because God is love.

One "Flu" Over The CooCoo's Nest

Ohhh boy, where to begin?  Well, we left off that I felt like I had a head cold.  Friday night I slept terribly.  I kept waking up at least every hour from coughing, but I had a headache and felt dizzyish, too.  Saturday morning I woke up REALLY not feeling well.  I was soo cold, which is really abnormal for.  I had a shirt and sweatshirt on, and I was burried underneath the covers of the bed, shivering.  We take my temp to find out it's 104.5F and my oxygen dropped to 88%. Oy!  My mom called the hospital, and my dad loaded the car, and we were off to the E.R.  Walking to the elevator, my mom even had to hold on to me because I was so out of it.  I wasn't dizzy like the room was spinning; more like I couldn't focus and I couldn't balance.  So anyway, we get to the E.R. and they start taking care of me right away.  I really can't tell you much that happened because I was so out of it, and my body was like so tired, I just slept like the whole time.  Thank God for the blessing of my parents to take care of me and be able to communicate my care with the doctors!  They put the needle in my port and got that all hooked up and it went great, and then they had to do a regular hand IV as well, and for some reason I started feeling really sick again.  You know when you blow up a picture and you can see all the pixels?  That's what everything looked like.  This was the one and only time in my life that I thought I was going to pass out.  Thank Jesus I didn't.  I just closed my eyes and prayed panically hah. So bla bla bla we get admitted and moved to a legit room, I really don't remember a lot haha I slept mostly but a lot of docs came to talk to us.  They were concerned that I either had a blood infection or fungal infection -- both very very serious.  However, one doctor said she thought it might by the flu and started me on the flu meds just as a precaution.  I had to get another catscan and a lot of bloodwork.  PRAISE GOD I HAVE THE FLU!  No fungal infection or blood infection, and no spread of the fungus.  Just the flu.  I just love God.  Earlier that day I had been feeling like ok, the battle is on.  I have to stop being lazy because God will provide the strength I need for what He wants me to do.  Isaiah 40:31 "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.."  And I was praying a lot, and I felt like this really isn't just about me -- this is a battle and I'm a warrior in it.  And God pumped me up for the battle haha but then to hear that it's just the flu.. All I could think of is that yes, we still have to fight, but look how Jesus protects his warriors.  His shield does not go down.  I read this passage from a book last night too. It's based off scripture but isn't scripture itself -- but it said "I am going with you onto the battlefield, and in those times you feel as if there is no fight left inside of you, My Spirit will rise up inside your soul and My strength will become your strength."  It just amazes me that in the aspects I can't fight -- I can't do anything to change the outcome of those tests -- God fights for me. Bahh soo crazy.  I'll blog more later cause this entry is already super long and I'm kind of tired, but a quick update : I don't have the flu really bad -- in fact, I wouldn't have guessed I even had the flu!  God is so awesome!  I don't have to go in for a second procedure! YAAY!  They didn't see any fungus on the cat scan - yaay!  Please keep praying for the progresss of my health, and thank you soo much to everyone who has prayed and encouraged us!! It's amazing to see and soo touching too.  Also pleeasee pray that my parents don't get the flu!

God protects His warriors because God is love.

recovery

So last night I started to feel the recovery... It's like I have a really really bad head cold and I'm coughing a lot (which is good cause it's a productive cough, but bad cause it really tires me out).  I slept about 4 hours ish last night broken up and it doesn't feel as easy to breathe anymore.  Please pray that this goes away like yester-now haha and that the upcoming procedure (we're not sure if it's Monday or Tuesday) will be easyyyy.  They just have to go in and check that the plug isn't regrowing, and make sure everything's ok in there.  But there's still a long road ahead because of the damage in my lungs, and I'm going to need to do more therapy, more extensively.  So please pray about that.  On the bright side I get to try and exercise, which I LOVE!  There are treadmills at the hotel we're staying at, and so today I'm going to try to walk on one for a little while.  Can't wait!  The only problem is the coughing/head cold thing.  But nonetheless, God is faithful and will use even that.  Thanks for the prayers!

I will recover because God is love.

"But you, O Lord, are a shield around me" Psalm 3:3a

BAHHHH WHERE TO BEGIN?!?!?  Ok.. so yesterday I woke up and was doing my therapy, while texting my boyfriend.  He suggested we read Psalms, and so I got my bible out and read chapters 1 & 2 but decided for some reason I wanted to read 3 too.  Thank you, Jesus.  Psalm 3:3 "But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high."  Ok, let's just stop here for a moment.  One of the concerns for the procedure was that I have brittle bones dues to all the meds I'm on.  In a bronchoscopy (which is what I had) they have to have your head back, as if you were hanging off the side of a bed, and there was concern about my neck bones.  "You are my glory, the one who holds my head high."  How incredbible.  But just like God, He gets even better.  Psalm 3:4-5 "I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me."  He was reassuring me before I even got in the car.  I LOVE that we can just call his name and He'll be with us!  Which is exactly what I did later on, and His promises (like always) remained true and faithful!  So we got to the hospital, I wasn't feeling nervous or anything, and a family friend's sister had her pastor come pray with us which was really nice.  Then I was off!  They rolled me to the O.R. and got everything set up, and put my IV in, which made me a little nervous.  I'm fine with IVs but I don't like to be laying down when I'm getting one placed, but since this was in the O.R., I was already strapped to the table and everything, but it went really well.  I just asked that they tell me before they start pumping in the stuff to make me pass out.  They did.  And then I started to notice the machines looked a little funny, and my head started stinging, and all I did was call out to Jesus in my head, and I was out. 

Just a little backround -- my last bronch knocked me out of the water.  I couldn't recover well, had to be on oxygen and still wasn't breathing well at all, couldn't quite wake up all the way from the anesthesia,  and spent 2 months on oxygen and out of work afterward.  It was NOT good.  So I specifically asked people to pray, and of course I was praying, for an easy and quick recovery,  and I fully expected that because we are to pray with expectation, however God, once again, completely blew my mind!   Just another reminder, the plan was to have Dr. W go in with a flexible bronch (a flexible tube that can take pics, suck out light mucus but cant move hard things).  He was going to clean up my lungs a little, and then try to see how hard the fungus ball was in preparation for the second doctor, Dr. R to go in with a rigid bronch ( a hard tubing created to put tools down in order to remove objects, including hard things).  They estimated about 2 hours for the procedure, however they made it VERY clear that they weren't sure they would be able to remove the ball at all, and even if they did, it's very likely that it would need to be done in multiple stages.  In other words, they would remove a little piece today, then go back in next week and remove another piece, and the next week, and so forth and so on until they got it all or as much as they could out.  They also made arrangements for me to be into the intensive care unit immediately after the surgery, and that it would be a definite possibility that I would have my breathing tube down my throat when I became conscious again (which I reallyyyyy didn't want.)  So anyway. I passed out and the next thing I know is I'm waking up, feeling ok.  My lungs didnt hurt like last time, and I wasn't coughing out liquid saline or blood or even that much mucus.  In fact, I didn't even realize they had gone into my right lung at all because it felt great.  The anesthesia wore off relatively quickly, and I wasn't on that much oxygen.  Actually, I was holding the oxygen mask on my lap and was doing fine, so they said I could switch to a nasal oxygen.  As I was still a little woozy, I asked how it went and a nurse replied "They got the whole ball out".  But I guess I was too tired to really understand and the more the anesthesia wore off, the more awake I became and couldn't figure out if that had really happened or I was just dreaming it.  So I said, "I'm sorry I know I asked before but you said they got the whole thing?"  And the nurse replied with a big smile "They got the WHOLE thing".  "Praise God!" was all that could come from my lips.  Amazed yet?  Brace yourself.  It only took 45 minutes, and the second doctor didn't even need to go in.  How crazy!  Ok want more?  Because God so abundantly provided and protected me -- it still hasn't entirly hit me yet.  They then told me I was going to go to a normal room because I'm recovering so well.  One nurse even answered the phone and said "This is amazing".  But no, God's not done yet.  The nurse who was taking care of me in recovery while we were waiting for my room, was christian.  I had mentioned how nice God is to me to another nurse, and heard her say "All the time."  And then they asked if I wanted to listen to music, and what my favorite artists were.  I said I don't really have a favorite artist, just type -- and my nurse guessed that it was christian and then says to me, do you like sanctus real?  Ok.. sanctus real isn't exactly the most popular christian band, so if you know them, most likely you listen to them.  But then she says - Oh I'll put my playlist on!  And she had a playlist of all this really good christian music which was such a blessing.  But who knows cause maybe she just made that because of previous christian patients or something, and then she revealed that she was christian and how she'll be praying for us and it was so awesome.  Then we go upstairs to my normal room, and I get weaned off the oxygen!  I didn't even need it after like an hour in my room!  It was incredible.  And then we found out that my night shift nurse was a christian as well, and my therapist is saved too!  How awesome!  Isaiah 49:13 "For the Lord has comforted his people" -- how true!  My throat really hurt, but they gave my numbing stuff for it, and I got to eat fried chicken, mac n cheese, and other stuff!  SO good!  I could even do my therapy!  I felt better after the procedure than when I did when I had walked into the hospital that morning.  It's just so incredible.  My bloodsugars got out of hand, and that was frustrating, but God took care of it and helped me maintain my temper hahah.  It's just been so awesome.  To feel safe in the arms of the Lord is the best feeling ever, and it was just so awesome to think that my hand is in his, he calls me friend and he's standing right by me as my best friend where even my parents aren't allowed to be.  Yet, he's there as my Father, my shield, my glory, holding my head gently in his hands as he guides the surgeons.  Bah.. incredible.. I still feel great today too, and we spoke with a therapist today because of all the damage my lungs have, and she showed us these different therapies we haven't even heard of!  Praise God!  Bah.. He's just soo.. overwhelming.. sweeping me off my feet.. loving. bahhh.

I can't even put into words the miracles that God performed because God is love.

PS I'm kinda tired at the moment, so I'm sure I'm forgetting something and will be back to type more!

when my scars try to scare me, I just look at His

So today was a super long day.  Woke up at 6:48AM and got ready and went to the hospital for a catscan.  I've had catscans before, but never with contrast -- which basically means they hook you up to an IV and pump a little of this liquid in you which will bring out all your blood vessels on the catscan.  Pretty neat.  I was a little nervous though since I've never had that before.  But God was nice, as usual.  They missed the first IV, but they got the second one on the first try, without prodding around.  Then I had to wait a little while before they could actually do the test.  I was sitting alone in this hospital room and it dawned on me that I should probably be feeling pretty awkward right about now.  I'm all by myself in this room with these machines humming, an IV in my arm, and the nurses in the other room talking.  But I didn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.  Then it dawned on me why that was.  Because as it turns out, I really wasn't alone.  Jesus is ALWAYS right with me, and I think it's so nice that in situations where it seems reasonable to feel strangely, I don't because of Him.  Anyway, then we got the test done, and the contrast was nothing!  It gave me this weird hot flash feeling for not even a minute and it was over. Praise God :] 

Then we had some fun.  My mom, dad and I went to drive around and take pictures.  We got some really good ones!  We found this structure that looked like a castle except it was basically just a wall instead of an actual 3D castle, but it was awesome.  Then we walked up these never ending stairs in the woods that led to a park, but we didn't go all the way up.  Then we found this AMAZING view of the city and took more pics, and then ate at this restaurant that used to be a pottery!  I was pretty tired at that point already, but it was nice to see my mom so excited about being in there! 

Then it was off the hospital again to have a consultation with the anesthesiologist, who was very nice.  She didn't rush us at all, and answered our questions -- which we had a lot.  Then off to meet with the pulmonologist/bronchoscopist - aka - one of the guys who will be scoping me.  I'm getting kind of a lot done tomorrow.  They're doing a flexible bronch -- which means they scope me with a flexible tube, a lavage -- which means they try to wash out my lungs and suck out the mucus (gross but hopefully helpful), and a rigid bronch -- putting a stiff tube down to my lungs to try to get the fungus ball out.  This appointment was .. interesting.  It had awesome parts and not so awesome parts.  First off, God has blessed me with one of the most, if not the most, well known bronchoscopists like in the world lol.  He's been doing bronchoscopies since 1972 I think he said, and he worked specifically with CF patients until 10 years ago.  He knows SOOO much and thinks on his feet.  Everyone that we've come across so far has said "wow, you have him?  He's the best there is."  But he just does the flexible bronch.  Apparently God also gave us the best there is in rigid bronchs, too.  All day we've been hearing "Wow, those two work so well together.  You've got the team."  Also, we got to see my lungs.  It was so awesome.  They took the catscan, and this computer program made a model of MY lungs!  MINE, not just a model, but what MINE specifically look like.  AND we got to see the scan of the fungus ball.  AND we learned what Cystic Fibrosis actually means, AND we learned this other cool stuff..  It was really awesome.  The bad parts are that in viewing my scans, we also learned that the fungus ball is a lot bigger than we were originally told.  Maybe it grew, however at a different facility we were told it was about the size of a pea, but it's actually bigger than a cherry.  That causes a big problem, because my bronchial airways are small, and that can't fit through it at alll.  They said maybe they could try to balloon the airways and stretch them so it could fit, however, it would be a BIG stretch, and they can't do that for the entire airway that it needs to go through.  So they'll go in tomorrow, and weigh their options and figure out the best plan.  There first rule is "do no harm" which I really like, and my doctor said it more than a few times so it's nice that they really consider that.  The other bad thing is, apparently I have bronchiercitis or something hahah I don't know what the word is, but it's close to that.  Basically that means that a lot of my bronchials have been overstretched due to frequent infections, and now they're just causing problems for the parts of that lung.  The worse part is that the doctor said he suspects my right lower lobe doesn't work so well because of so many of these broncho-things.  Also, my bronchial trees are reallyyyy deformed.  They're supposed to be smooth and straight, and mine are windy and swollen and bumpy.  Which btw is what Cystic Fibrosis is, as we learned today ahha.  Cystic as you can guess means cysts -- little sacs, and fibrosis means scarring.  So Cystic Fibrosis is when there are like little sacs because of the swollen tissue, and then scar tissue forms around it.  Furthermore, when you get sick, you're body releases these enzymes to digest the virus.. but when you have infections in your lungs all the time -- like with CF -- too many enzymes are released because your body is overwhelmed, and they don't just attack the virus, but your lung as well.  So he said that my lungs are being like eaten too.  So it was a little rough to see my lungs in such bad condition, because I definitely didn't picture them that way, but it was so cool to see how God configured the body, and learn about all these little built in shields and things He's made.  Furthermore, my mom brought to my attention the other day that my scars (she was referring to the one on my chest) are testimonies of Jesus, and I had never thought about it like that.  I know that our sufferings are good because they relate us to the sufferings of Christ, but scars.. And it's just so cool to think about how my scars I didn't choose.  I didn't willingly take them on because I wanted to.  I have them because I had no other choice, or like with my lungs, it just happened without me having an opinion on it.  But Jesus' scars are different.  He willingly took on the wrath of God!  THE WRATH OF GOD.  How intense is that?  And while I'm surprised at seeing the scar tissue within my lungs, He's standing there holding out his scarred hand, not surprised or worried, because those same scarred hands hold my future.  BAH <3  Anyway, after that we went to red lobster! Yum!  And then finally, back to our room which I love.  I got to talk to Vicky and Nicole for a little tonight, too!  I'm pretty peaceful about tomorrow, but I do have some prayer requests if anyone feels like it.  Here it goes.

• That the procedure is successful without any side effects/damage
• That I do not wake up during the procedure
• That I DO wake up after the procedure :P quickly, easily and WITHOUT the respirator in.
• I realllyyy don't want to wake up with the breathing tube in.  So pray that I can hold my own oxygen levels (at least above 90 but preferably higher), and they take the tube out before I'm conscious.
• That the anesthesia will not have any bad effect on me, especially if I'm knocked out for longer than 45 minutes.
• That the doctors will have wisdom and guidance from the Creator of my Lungs in how to go about getting this out.
• No bleeding, bad vitals, or too much coughing
• Quick and easy recovery!

Thank you so much!

I'm ready for tomorrow because God is love!

"til I rest in You.."

Happy Valentine's Day! Today consisted of a lot driving.  It was just too long.  And I'm beginning to get tired of people thinking I'm this walking virus.  I understand where they're coming from because if I heard someone coughing like me, I'd think the same thing.. but it just gets old.  Last night at cracker barrell people were asking, or just kinda looking/staring.. and then today we stopped at a rest stop and people thought I was "getting sick".. I'm kind of just ready to be done with the excessive coughing.  But it's probably just cause I'm so tired and in a mood.  You know when you get tired and then it seems like every little task is like climbing a mountain?  That's kind of where I'm at.  Tomorrow I have a cat scan, and we talk with the anestesthia people and the pulmonologists about the procedure.  We have to be at the hospital at 9am.. that's early for me.  On the bright side, I got to read most of my book today in the car, which I'm really enjoying.  But I'm definitely ready to just like.. have a break from life haha I don't know how to phrase it better than the lyrics to the "Restless" by Audrey Assad -- "I'm restless, so restless, til I rest in You, O God."  What a comforting picture to rest in the arms of God, and I can't wait to finish up my therapy tonight and do just that!  P.S. if you haven't heard that song, look up Audrey Assad on youtube!  Her songs are real blessings! If you want some suggestions I would definitely say Restless, Carry Me, For Love of You, Winter Snow, Everything is Yours, and Known.  P.S.S. I hope everyone had a great valentine's day!

I can love someone on Valentine's Day because God is love.
I can rest peacefully because God is love.

PS!!

Wow, I can't believe I forgot to type this part -- at cracker barrell they have the little gift shop thing before you go into the restaurant, and there's this whole little section for God.  They had a bunch of wall decor with pictures and verses on them -- and all the verses were somehow relationg to how God takes care of us, how He is ALWAYS with us, how He fights for us and rescues us.  How awesome for Him to remind me :]  How much more awesome that it's true.  A lot of people dwell on the fact that Jesus goes through things with us, which is absolutely true.  But sometimes we forget that He's not just partnering us in our suffering, He's actually FIGHTING for us.  We aren't at battle with God on the side just being like Oh yea, Here's strength to get through.  HE BATTLED AND BATTLES FOR US.  He doesn't just fight either, He wins -- He's the knight in shining armor, the strong warrior who doesn't get defeated.  The Mighty God who came to our RESCUE.  How incredible..  Those scars on his hands are for us.  There's no other reason but us.  No alterior motive.  He suffered. just. for. us.  And still, He got the unfair trade of this -- Some people don't even let Him in, and even when we do and accept salvation and rescue, we still turn from Him constantly, and still constantly He's winning us back, pouring out love, and reassuring us in places we would never expect - like cracker barrell.  Jesus Christ is not a god of love as we know it, He has a totally different definition -- freeing, forgiving, forever love.  Sometimes I get a misguided vision of God's love because people hold grudges, or will only love you if the love is returned, or don't love you if you do something wrong, etc.  People's love is limited, but God says that He is patient, and kind, not envious, is not boastful or proud.  Imagine that?  Anytime we do wrong, we can go back to God without any "I told you so".  Jesus is not rude, angry or selfish.  And the biggest part of all -- Jesus does not keep records of our wrongs!!!  (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) In other words, Jesus doesn't just refresh His promises for every single day, but every single time we sin, mess up, go to Him with sincere hearts for forgiveness, our slates are clean baby!  What kind of love is that?!  It doesn't get brought up again or held against us, but instead Jesus impresses us again with gifts of love.  Wow.

I am swept off my feet because God is love.

Oh, Hi Ohio.

I'm in Ohio!  I apologize that I haven't posted the past few days.  So a quick fill in -- My job was so nice and had a going away party for me -- such a nice blessing!  Other than that, basically I got ready for Ohio and had some great visits with great friends!  Today I woke up and my grandma had called me to say goodbye which was really sweet.  Then this morning, unfortunately, I was coughing up blood but God sustains!  I packed and hung out with my fam and AJ which was also a huge blessing and then hit the road!  God is so nice, too, because it's a long ride but I've really been wanting to read this Nicholas Sparks book and I haven't had time to just sit down and read.  I've only been able to read little sections at different times, so today I got to read multiple chapters in a row!  Oh! And we get to stay at a hotel tonight!  I love hotels!  Anddddd.. we ate at cracker barrel!  I love how God fills up everything with things that we love!  And get this.. I'm coughing a lot.  And the cracker barrel was kinda packed so we didn't expect to get close parking, and we didn't bring my little handicap thing so I was bracing myself to cough even more from walking, but just as we pull up a car parked RIGHT in front of the restaurant pulls out, and we got their spot.  Just reminds that even though I think I'm in control or something, Jesus has already taken care of every minor detail -- even the ones as small as a parking space <3  He's so sweet to me <3

My Jesus handcrafts every detail for my good because God is love.

A Little History

So before I dive into everyday life, I thought I'd give a little backround.  I have Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and CF related diabetes.  CF is a genetic lung disease, and in some cases isn't severe at all.  In other cases it can be fatal.  I'm kind of inbetween those two extremes.  My CF wasn't bad really until about 4 years ago, when I got diagnosed with ABPA -- which basically means there's fungus in my lungs (gross, I know) and I'm allergic to it.  I got a port put into my chest -- which is a permanent IV -- because I needed IV treatments so frequently, and still do.  What a blessing!  I don't have to stay in the hospital and because of that little port -- I can do the IVs right at home, school, even at work.  Anyway so my CF has gotten significantly worse over these past 4 years.  I'm coughing more than most of the time, and usually out of breath, but I still have breath and that's what matters.  Ok so flash forward to now.  I'm going to Ohio for a surgery next week.  It's going to try and remove a ball in my lung.  The ball is from the ABPA (I think) and yes, as incredibly gross as it is, it is a fungus ball.  It's right in my airway, and the last attempt to remove it didn't exactly go smoothly so this is kind of risky.  But... God's still got me.  Today my lungs hurt when I woke up and I was breathing pretty heavily, and coughing a lot.  It felt like my lungs were swollen or something.  So I did my therapy bla bla bla, went to work!  It's so nice how God let's me work.  And now I'm just relaxing.  And may I add that I'm not choking right now, and my lungs aren't hurting like they did this morning, thanks to Jesus.  I'm really excited to see how the surgery is going to go.  We aren't sure if taking out the ball will improve my lung function, but it needs to come out regardless.  So I figure it's a win win.  If it helps me breathe better, that's a plus.  And if it turns out that this is, in fact, just the disease progressing, then I'm going to the bahamas. hahah :P  But seriously, everything that's happening, and that will happen, all has to be approved by God before it can get to me.  I mean, look at Job. Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” Job 1:8 -- that's so awesome!  Terrible things happened to Job, but he was up for the challenge, and endured.  Anything that's happening is filtered through Jesus' scarred hands before it ever reaches us.  And when bad things come along, I take it as a challenge against Satan.  Believers, put the armor on and get ready for battle!  The joy of the Lord is our stength!

I am geared for battle because God is love.

The First Post!

Have you ever been through something rough, but it had an amazing outcome?  Yet, when you went to share the story, it wasn't quite up to par.. you couldn't quite express it's impact, or you exagerrated the happenings...  My life is a story I want to share.  I want to type out the heaviness of my burdens so that you can see the strength of my God.  I'll go day by day so that it won't be an exagerrated memory, but it won't be lacking truth.  I don't want to write (er..technically type :P) too long of a blog because I'm hoping for people to actually read it.. soooo.. I guess I'll just do little excerpts each day, or try to at least.  If you're reading this, keep coming back to read more - who knows what God has planned.  One thing is for sure though, He does have something planned.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 

I have a hope and a future because God is love.