when my scars try to scare me, I just look at His

So today was a super long day.  Woke up at 6:48AM and got ready and went to the hospital for a catscan.  I've had catscans before, but never with contrast -- which basically means they hook you up to an IV and pump a little of this liquid in you which will bring out all your blood vessels on the catscan.  Pretty neat.  I was a little nervous though since I've never had that before.  But God was nice, as usual.  They missed the first IV, but they got the second one on the first try, without prodding around.  Then I had to wait a little while before they could actually do the test.  I was sitting alone in this hospital room and it dawned on me that I should probably be feeling pretty awkward right about now.  I'm all by myself in this room with these machines humming, an IV in my arm, and the nurses in the other room talking.  But I didn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.  Then it dawned on me why that was.  Because as it turns out, I really wasn't alone.  Jesus is ALWAYS right with me, and I think it's so nice that in situations where it seems reasonable to feel strangely, I don't because of Him.  Anyway, then we got the test done, and the contrast was nothing!  It gave me this weird hot flash feeling for not even a minute and it was over. Praise God :] 

Then we had some fun.  My mom, dad and I went to drive around and take pictures.  We got some really good ones!  We found this structure that looked like a castle except it was basically just a wall instead of an actual 3D castle, but it was awesome.  Then we walked up these never ending stairs in the woods that led to a park, but we didn't go all the way up.  Then we found this AMAZING view of the city and took more pics, and then ate at this restaurant that used to be a pottery!  I was pretty tired at that point already, but it was nice to see my mom so excited about being in there! 

Then it was off the hospital again to have a consultation with the anesthesiologist, who was very nice.  She didn't rush us at all, and answered our questions -- which we had a lot.  Then off to meet with the pulmonologist/bronchoscopist - aka - one of the guys who will be scoping me.  I'm getting kind of a lot done tomorrow.  They're doing a flexible bronch -- which means they scope me with a flexible tube, a lavage -- which means they try to wash out my lungs and suck out the mucus (gross but hopefully helpful), and a rigid bronch -- putting a stiff tube down to my lungs to try to get the fungus ball out.  This appointment was .. interesting.  It had awesome parts and not so awesome parts.  First off, God has blessed me with one of the most, if not the most, well known bronchoscopists like in the world lol.  He's been doing bronchoscopies since 1972 I think he said, and he worked specifically with CF patients until 10 years ago.  He knows SOOO much and thinks on his feet.  Everyone that we've come across so far has said "wow, you have him?  He's the best there is."  But he just does the flexible bronch.  Apparently God also gave us the best there is in rigid bronchs, too.  All day we've been hearing "Wow, those two work so well together.  You've got the team."  Also, we got to see my lungs.  It was so awesome.  They took the catscan, and this computer program made a model of MY lungs!  MINE, not just a model, but what MINE specifically look like.  AND we got to see the scan of the fungus ball.  AND we learned what Cystic Fibrosis actually means, AND we learned this other cool stuff..  It was really awesome.  The bad parts are that in viewing my scans, we also learned that the fungus ball is a lot bigger than we were originally told.  Maybe it grew, however at a different facility we were told it was about the size of a pea, but it's actually bigger than a cherry.  That causes a big problem, because my bronchial airways are small, and that can't fit through it at alll.  They said maybe they could try to balloon the airways and stretch them so it could fit, however, it would be a BIG stretch, and they can't do that for the entire airway that it needs to go through.  So they'll go in tomorrow, and weigh their options and figure out the best plan.  There first rule is "do no harm" which I really like, and my doctor said it more than a few times so it's nice that they really consider that.  The other bad thing is, apparently I have bronchiercitis or something hahah I don't know what the word is, but it's close to that.  Basically that means that a lot of my bronchials have been overstretched due to frequent infections, and now they're just causing problems for the parts of that lung.  The worse part is that the doctor said he suspects my right lower lobe doesn't work so well because of so many of these broncho-things.  Also, my bronchial trees are reallyyyy deformed.  They're supposed to be smooth and straight, and mine are windy and swollen and bumpy.  Which btw is what Cystic Fibrosis is, as we learned today ahha.  Cystic as you can guess means cysts -- little sacs, and fibrosis means scarring.  So Cystic Fibrosis is when there are like little sacs because of the swollen tissue, and then scar tissue forms around it.  Furthermore, when you get sick, you're body releases these enzymes to digest the virus.. but when you have infections in your lungs all the time -- like with CF -- too many enzymes are released because your body is overwhelmed, and they don't just attack the virus, but your lung as well.  So he said that my lungs are being like eaten too.  So it was a little rough to see my lungs in such bad condition, because I definitely didn't picture them that way, but it was so cool to see how God configured the body, and learn about all these little built in shields and things He's made.  Furthermore, my mom brought to my attention the other day that my scars (she was referring to the one on my chest) are testimonies of Jesus, and I had never thought about it like that.  I know that our sufferings are good because they relate us to the sufferings of Christ, but scars.. And it's just so cool to think about how my scars I didn't choose.  I didn't willingly take them on because I wanted to.  I have them because I had no other choice, or like with my lungs, it just happened without me having an opinion on it.  But Jesus' scars are different.  He willingly took on the wrath of God!  THE WRATH OF GOD.  How intense is that?  And while I'm surprised at seeing the scar tissue within my lungs, He's standing there holding out his scarred hand, not surprised or worried, because those same scarred hands hold my future.  BAH <3  Anyway, after that we went to red lobster! Yum!  And then finally, back to our room which I love.  I got to talk to Vicky and Nicole for a little tonight, too!  I'm pretty peaceful about tomorrow, but I do have some prayer requests if anyone feels like it.  Here it goes.

• That the procedure is successful without any side effects/damage
• That I do not wake up during the procedure
• That I DO wake up after the procedure :P quickly, easily and WITHOUT the respirator in.
• I realllyyy don't want to wake up with the breathing tube in.  So pray that I can hold my own oxygen levels (at least above 90 but preferably higher), and they take the tube out before I'm conscious.
• That the anesthesia will not have any bad effect on me, especially if I'm knocked out for longer than 45 minutes.
• That the doctors will have wisdom and guidance from the Creator of my Lungs in how to go about getting this out.
• No bleeding, bad vitals, or too much coughing
• Quick and easy recovery!

Thank you so much!

I'm ready for tomorrow because God is love!